Single Parenting -- LDS Perspective

What we're thankful for...

noreply@blogger.com (Simplify Heart and Home) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:52:00 +0000

For the past few years we've made a 'Thanksgiving Tree' and posted it on a wall or on the fridge. This year my oldest daughter drew one on the huge whiteboard that covers most of one wall. (We're currently using it for our chore chart and to-do lists as well.)

Each of the children have been adding, in their own handwriting, lists of things that they are grateful for. A few of the things we've listed so far include: warm water, houses, shoes, silverware, electricity, lights, friends, tacos, dance partners, pillows, church, clothes, ice, pioneers.

Today the list will continue to grow.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow, share and express, listen and understand. I'm also grateful for the opportunity to remember all our blessings and to know of the Lord's hand in it all.

A quote that hangs on my wall says this:
"Here is what I have, it is the Lords'. He has given me all that I possess. It is only committed to my charge to see what I will do with it." Brigham Young

Please Help Andrew attend Scouting Jamboree 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 17:35:00 +0000

Hello all,
My 13 yr. old son, Andrew, would REALLY like to attend the (100th Anniversary) National Scouting Jamboree in Fort A.P. Hills, Virginia this coming summer. He's trying to earn some money to do so.
Would you PLEASE consider ordering some delicious NUTS, POPCORN, TREATS from this site? It would REALLY help and be very appreciated!

http://www.orderpopcorn.com/ - when it asks for a ‘Scouts Key’, use TEWXU2D

- choose from a variety of delicious Trail’s End products
- once purchased, the product will be sent directly to your home!

These are top quality products and 50% of the money goes directly to Andrew for the Jamboree.

Thank you so VERY, VERY much!!!

7,000 Single Adults in the Valley

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 03:48:00 +0000

We have over 7,000 Single Adults in our valley (members of the same church congregation) but only a few that attend the activities. (How are you supposed to meet someone?)

Many of the older widowed members don't attend. They don't really consider themselves as 'singles'. But, that only takes about 2,000 away from the number. What about the other 5,000?

Each individual has a story and....a reason for not attending activities and I wonder what we can do to make a difference for them.

I just returned from a meeting where there were representatives from each congregation present. They are good people. Each has much to offer as well as challenges to overcome --- or that they already have overcome. I am amazed at their endurance and their willingness to serve others who are in similar circumstances or on the path that they have already tread.

But, it's sometimes discouraging for me to go to so much work to plan events and activities --- and few come. It's worth it for those few ---- but, somewhat challenging for me. So, I pray to know what to do ---- as I don't want to take too much time away from my own children. They are my first priority. I guess we press on and seek guidance higher than our own!

Time with each child

noreply@blogger.com (Simplify Heart and Home) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 04:07:00 +0000

This weekend my 2 daughters spent time with cousins and a beloved Aunt. That left time for me and my son. I realized, once again, how important it is to spend one-on-one time with each child individually. As a family group we do many things together, pray, study the scriptures, shop, clean the house, go for walks etc. But, the dynamic changes when there is time to listen to the one and do an activity that that child chooses.

Last night my son and I lay out on the grass and watched the fireworks from a not-too-distant college stadium. It was a beautiful night on a large lawn and the weather was perfect for the event. We got the giggles 1/2 way in-between the fireworks as the blanket wasn't quite big enough to lie on and to cover us with. It was a fun exchange and one which we'll both probably remember for a long time.

As we lay under the stars; pondering upon the great expanse of the universe, we felt a renewed connection and closeness that wouldn't have come had all four of us been there together.

I'm grateful for the reminder that the Lord knows each sparrow that falls as well as each of us by name and individually. It was a blessing to spend time with this son and to share a memorable evening together; just the two of us. Those pleasant times renew me to continue forward -- amidst the daily challenges that come.

Single Parenting -- Two bloggers who need our support

noreply@blogger.com (Simplify Heart and Home) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:30:00 +0000

Today I read two new articles on the LDS Neighborhood Site. Click here to read from these two women bloggers who have found themselves newly in singlehood. The heartache and pain is real.
Those of us in this situation would do well to pray for them and provide them support. (We all need to do that for each other anyway!)

I've found that unless someone has been through this --- they truly don't understand and ....often don't really care. (They have their own set of problems to deal with.)

But, as Pres. Kimball said "There is no tragedy in death...only in sin".
Death may be difficult -- but, it IS part of the Lord's plan of happiness.
Divorce is not.
And, after an often excruciating divorce people don't bring you casseroles, take care of your kids, bring cards and flowers etc. It's usually very much the opposite; they avoid you. Perhaps they don't know what to say or they don't want to 'catch' something. But, yes, they judge. Very often they judge. What they don't realize is that oftimes it's not because of the unrighteousness of BOTH that divorce occurs. Sometimes it is. But, in many cases it is one party who opts out and who chooses an unrighteous path - leaving the other to pick up the pieces, care for the family, take the responsibilities, and lose much of their life as it had been established. It surely is a difficult road.

Sufficient For Our Needs

noreply@blogger.com (Simplify Heart and Home) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 22:50:00 +0000

Often, the statement 'We have sufficient for our needs' comes to mind as I travel this earthly path. I am grateful for that comment and have pondered it often.

I recall the day that a college Professor stated: 'We have only one true need', and gave us time to consider what that might be.

The answer was: "The need to be redeemed".
Every'thing' else is secondary. If we don't have the first then....nothing else will ever really matter.

Does anyone speak "Cat?"

noreply@blogger.com (Simplify Heart and Home) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:29:00 +0000

We've sort of adopted 2 stray cats to go with the one we already had. Apparently they found us because of our outside cat food.

Last month one gave birth to three adorable kittens. Though we had made her a nice, warm place in the corner -- she, apparently, wanted more privacy than that. She delivered under the kids' bed.

The second Mom gave birth 11 days later; following suit. She did it under MY bed! :)

Now they're nearly a month old. We've done all we know to do to care for them but the mother of the first batch walks around the house all day making noises like this: errrrrruh, errrrruh, eruuuh. Does anyone on here speak 'cat'? :)

Sometimes it means 'I'm hungry', or 'I'm thirsty', or 'I wanna go out'. And, sometimes she wants to be petted or put under the sink faucet to drink. But, today, I'm not sure what it means and ..... I'm wishing that I did.

I couldn't resist this one

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:59:00 +0000

I found this on another blog and just had to share.
It's entitled "Paging Obama".
I'm adding ....."what have we come to?"

Preparing for the coming days... as a Single Parent

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:11:00 +0000

No matter our station in life; we are to prepare for the coming days. The Lord has told us how to prepare. The scriptures and teachings of the living Prophets continue to warn and forewarn. None of us can say that we didn't know. The Lord desires to bless us. He can do so as we are obedient and heed His words.
My prayer is that we do so.

Single Stats: Women to Men

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:08:00 +0000

As a newly-called Singles Rep for our Stake I have also been given a calling as Regional Co-Chair for Special Activities. Apparently we have 24 (soon to be 25) stakes in our region. The stats show that there are about 10 women per 1 man. And, that there are approx. 30 Temple Worthy women to 1 men. No wonder many of us are still single.
As well, we have over 7,000 singles in our region. That's about 2 full stakes of singles. And, most of them don't attend any activities because they aren't aware of them. Most wards don't have single reps and some stakes still don't. The biggest problem seems to be lack of sharing of information. Without ward reps the word doesn't get out. Many singles who would like to attend activities don't even know that they exist.

I met with the Bishops in our stake last night. They are good men. It was rewarding to present to them our 'dilemma' and try to obtain their support and tender mercies. Oftimes I think that we're on the bottom rung of the totem pole in importance. Perhaps it's because we're not the 'squeaky wheel', or maybe it's because when someone hasn't experienced something they don't really know or understand the challenges and needs of that circumstance.

I believe my role is to help share insights so that we can bless all in the fold; especially those on the outskirts. To that end I will strive!

Righteous Yearnings unfulfilled in mortality will one day be fulfilled!

noreply@blogger.com (Simplify Heart and Home) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 18:49:00 +0000

These beautiful and hopeful remarks by President Boyd K. Packer have blessed my heart. I hope they'll bless yours too.

"It suits the purpose of the Almighty to let it be that some will not have a marriage or find it broken through death or mischief. Some have great difficult having any children, and some will not have children of their own -- that it, it will not happen in mortal life. But in the eternal scheme of things, it will happen as surely as the commandments are kept. Those yearnings unfulfilled in mortality will be filled to overflowing in the life beyond where there is eternal love and eternal increase".

"Those who are limited in this life have a greater joy beyond the veil to find that all will be added upon you in that existence".

"I refer to those of you who have not had the privilege of marriage or who have lost your husbands through the tragedy of divorce or perhaps through the inevitable call of death.
Some of you are struggling alone to raise little families, often on meager budgets and often with hours of lonliness. I know there is a great power of compensation.".....

Truth comforts more than anything else! How thankful I am that we have living oracles of God to guide, instruct, comfort and teach! Their words are manna to the soul!

We're Not The Only Ones Who Feel This Way

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 15:33:00 +0000

I am SO thankful for the people who commented on my last entry. It was a few weeks back and it's just now that I'm getting back on here.
It's always nice to know that we're not alone in the struggles.

On Saturday we had a Stake Womens' Conference with Ardeth Kapp being the keynote speaker. She had us stand-up and face another person in the room. (I happened to be behind an old neighbor from 9 yrs. ago). She had us do 'small talk' for 30 seconds. Then, she asked us to go a little deeper and share a personal concern with each other. Then, she had us express something we'd like to contribute to our ward and then a few sentences to each other as if it would be our last time seeing each other on earth. In those few moments tears were actually shed and people connected with one another on a deeper level than expected.

We realized that often, in our neighborhoods or meetings, there is merely 'small talk'. It doesn't really connect us with each other and we leave feeling 'empty'. But, when concerns and deeper feelings are shared -- we connect and can comfort and love one another.

For those same reasons -- I want to express my love for those who shared theirs on my last entry. I felt a love for you even though we've never met. And, I will include you in my prayers this day as new found and dear friends.

Thank you for your willingness to get past the facades (that are often there) and share your own challenges and concerns. It really helped me realize that I am not alone and that I can connect with other people on this deeper and more-powerful and fulfilling level.

What to do, what to do, what to do......

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 22:55:00 +0000

Okay, so what do I do? I guess I need not ask you all -- rather ask the Lord. But, I'll throw it out there anyway. Perhaps you have a valid response.

Ski trips, cruises, dance lessons, athletics, swim teams, sports academy memberships, trips and travels, new dresses each Sunday, large homes, basketball and tennis courts, horses, snowmobiles etc. All these things are items we've lacked and have had to discuss in our home as many of our friends, family members, neighbors and ward members have these things. We can't afford any of them. It wouldn't be so bad if it were a temporary thing but it's been 9 yrs. and we've not been blessed with these opportunities.

I don't think I feel sorry for myself; as we have 'sufficient for our needs' but, I do wish that sometimes we could have an outlet more than just going for a walk or petting stray cats. lol

We are blessed and are very grateful for what the Lord has done for us. And yet, the load is heavy and we sometimes wish for a helping hand or just someone noticing that we don't have the same opportunities that they do. (Sometimes validation is the only thing that is needed.) I wish that I were truly happy for all the ward members who just returned from a cruise with their spouses; but, for some reason, I haven't been able to feel that. Perhaps that is something that I really need to change.

Tears have been shed over the years at the 'blessings' that others' seem to have and we don't. It might be easier to live out in the boonies where we wouldn't have to see the comparisons. Yet, that, apparently is not in the plan for us, as we've been led to this place and are grateful to have a roof over our heads and small bedrooms to share.

I wonder if some of my sadness about the whole thing is that in our affluent society we might tend to forget those who have less. It might be easy for us to think that since we are doing well -- that everyone else is too. I fear that I did that too before I was in this circumstance. I've repented about that and hope that I will never see others' in need and not care.

I'm working 3 jobs and raising 3 children alone. I have 3 callings and try to do whatever the Lord would have me do. I've sought him in mighty prayer and feel that I am doing what He would have me be doing at this time in my life; though it can be very lonely and difficult and that path seems to be unending. I've learned that those who have never experienced this are most often completely unaware and sometimes even uncaring. I don't seem to have much of a friendship with those who are oblivious, rather the ones I love most dearly are the 'real', humble and sincere ones who seem to be more aware of life's challenges and are not trying to keep up with the Jones'. And there are no manner of 'ites' among them.

What do you think?

And.... I REALLY wish we'd send the money from the planned ward ski-trip to the African village where children LONG to go to school but are only able to if they have the required $13.00 uniform. They have no way to get that money. $13.00 would change their whole life! I believe we'll be held accountable for how we use our resources.

Brigham Young said: "Here is what I have, it is the Lords'. He has given me all that I possess, it is only committed to my charge to see what I will do with it".

My new dearest friend..... and "Stand Up For Freedom"

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:25:00 +0000

So, Rick, is my new dearest friend as of today. :)
You can't blame me for that after reading his very, very kind words on my last entry.
I love him from afar --- since I've never met him. But, he's a true brother!
I'm glad that he's in law school --- working to defend true principles and stand strong for what is right. http://leftwingnuts.blogspot.com/

I've been giving much thought to our Constitution, a heavenly banner.
I recently listened to a talk tape from Pres. Benson -- given in 1960 entitled "Stand Up For Freedom". It was of the most powerful talks ever given -- and I was SO thankful for a Prophet of God who foresaw our day and who knows of the corruption in govt. as it's been revealed to him. (You have to hear it to believe it!)

We're in the winding-up days. Much will happen. Are we 'ready'. Have we followed the Prophet, filled our lamps, filled our cupboards, filled our hearts? It's something I'm continually working on and praying for. Oh, how I look forward to the day when the Savior returns. What a blessed day that will be.

My New Year's Eve --- Good for your belly laugh and my tears. :)

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 22:40:00 +0000

Okay, so if you need a good laugh at my expense here it is.
New Year's Eve Party for Singles over 31:
I take my convert neighbor who easily finds fault with me and many things that I do (that's always fun), and an inactive other lady who I called at the last minute and she came (she was sweet as I learned all about Medicare) and me.

We get in line for the potluck dinner (which was gross) and I'm the only one who brought a green salad. There was some jello, store purchased macaroni or potato salad (which is almost inedible) and a whole slew of desserts (mostly store purchased and icky).

Of course I introduced myself to the man in line with us; an elderly 82 yr. old man with bushy eyebrows who was alone. His wife passed away 2 yrs. ago and I knew he was lonely. So, I included him, visited with him, asked him all about himself and invited him to sit with us. (I learned a bit about beaver pelting and all his children.) And, he was just dear.

After dinner the movie played in the RS room. The VCR wasn't working so it skipped about 1/3 of the dialog. That was fun. And, people were coming in and out the whole time. About 1/2 the crowd was mentally ill. (Not to be unkind about that as I have a brother with a severe mental illness and have great understanding and compassion for the issues) but it makes for interesting company and entertainment. One guy ducked in front of the screen 1/2 way through the movie, so he could make his way to the back and huck his apple core (hard) into the garbage. Then, he bounced back all the way to the otherside where he'd come from. You really had to be there for that one; it was funny -- as it was so interestingly done.

The door had to be left open so the guy reclined in the wheelchair in the hall could see in. This made it so that we could hear every conversation happening outside the room (they were oblivious to him and to all of us) and all the kids running the halls. So....as you can guess, that was fun too.

Then, there was the only cute and normal guy in the room (my secret crush which I know that I have to get over as he has no interest in me whatsoever) who was with a DATE!!!! A cute little blonde thing on his arm. That made it NOT so fun for me and on the verge of more sorrow.

So, I said to myself 'Chubby self, don't let this get you down. You find someone who is more lonely and worse off than yourself to befriend." I determined to do that so that I wouldn't feel so sorry for myself. So, after the movie we went back into the cultural hall to 'play games' and do 'karaoke'.
The games were for 20 minutes (as, apparently the party was to end at 10:00; [12:00 New York time]). I guess they know that most of the crowd can't stay up that late.

So, one lady sang several karaoke songs as the rest of us listened. She loves to be the center of attention; and, for the rest of us to be attentive. So... that was fun too. :)

And, a few people played some kind of games at the tables for 20 minutes. And, I found the man in the corner in the wheelchair and decided to visit with him. He ended up cheering me and I was humbled by his sweet attitude. I learned all about him, the cute nurses that tend to his needs, his 52 hr. trip to Alaska, the death of his sister, his childhood being made fun of, pushed down the stairs, mocked etc. I was so sad for the treatment he had received. Yet, his philosophy is 'life is what you make it". It gave me reason to remind myself of what Christ would have us do and to know that at my worst; I, at least, am mobile and fairly pain-free. I've had a more 'normal' life and, at least, have children. I was truly humbled, and edified and felt that I had a new, kindred friend. I was humbled and repentant for feeling so sorry for myself.

Then, the countdown came, some balloons dropped from a sheet type thing, people popped and squashed them, and ....we cleaned up. The only man in a suit was asked to sweep. (There's something ironic about that) and I helped to stack chairs as most of the crowd had left.

An older mentally-challenged man approached me and stated loudly to me "Hey, I got something to tell you". So, I stood there as he loudly recited (in Monotone) this LONG Christmas poem to me. He was so proud and so tickled when I acknowledge how well he did. And, the tender poem was about the lonely old woman who had prepared to meet the Savior on Christmas. She got out her best ware and He never came. Instead a beggar came to the door and she gave him to eat. A child approached and she gave him a coat. As I stood there listening (alone) I realized that he was teaching me. All the hopes that I had had for a nice Christmas and New Year, were actually being answered in the way that I had tried to serve others as the Savior would have had me do. And, that my lonliness was met by these simple other people who were in more difficult circumstances than I, and yet not complaining. I felt that the Lord was there with me -- through these souls; my special brothers and sisters.

Then, 9:00 the next morning the phone rings. It was the 82 yr. old man. "Hi Heidi, I'd like to get to know you better. Would you meet me for breakfast this morning?" (Oh, what am I to do? This has happened before. The old, old guys and the mentally-ill are the only ones interested in me.) I was kind as I knew of his lonliness and said, "Oh, thank you for the offer. You are kind. But, I think that the age difference is just too great. I'm still raising young children". His response "Oh, you are? That's the story of my life. I didn't know."Of course, he didn't. I don't think that anyone asked me anything about myself the whole night. They usually don't. If I am there to reach out -- then, that is what I do. I try to help others feel loved, acknowledged, included etc. But, people don't do that for me. Not very often in my own ward either.

So, I guess it's just the way it is.
The next night was a family party. I feel so much more alone sometimes when I'm in a group of couples and families. They come with their spouse, leave with their spouse, and I drive home alone (2 1/2 hrs.) with my kids -- to tackle the world and work load alone again.
To be honest, I left that party in tears. One particular brother snapped at me -- and I started to sob. I was already on the verge --- (from the night before and the events of the day which had been tiring). I have some siblings with huge homes, large families, successful businesses, lots of benefits for their children; music lessons, private schools, private tutors, many sports camps, EFY, scholarships, mentors, meetings with famous people and church leaders, have 'higher' callings themselves etc. Yet, they take not thought that we have never been skiing (as they all were going today), we can't afford movies (they go to NY several times a year to Broadway shows), we don't vacation (they do often as well as travel and play), they talk about the school sports teams they all play on (I have had to teach my son baseball and basketball and do all the scouting things with him by myself) and they are not alone.

Even when it's hard and despite all this, and when I'm more humble, I am truly grateful for my life. I know it's the best one for me as I learn and grow and know of the struggles of others. I would rather have it this way than for me to be on the other end; oblivious to the plight and heartache of others. I know that the Lord has blessed us and that we have the gospel. What more do any of us NEED in this life?

So, sorry for my complaining. But, thanks for listening. It saves me a lot in therapy costs. lol
And, thanks for those of you who are kind, who have struggled, who are compassionate, who do reach out to others and are mindful of the ways in which you might lift them. I think that we are here to learn those things. Don't you?

hugs!

I'm sorry -------

noreply@blogger.com (Simplify Heart and Home) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 15:48:00 +0000

I'm sorry. I own you everyone an apology. I've complained too much and have been focusing on all the things that were wrong instead of all the things that were right.

Over the weekend (my kids were gone) I had time to think, ponder, pray, study etc. and .....read Jeffery's letter (the last blog entrance) and feel to repent for my attitude. I think that I became a bit hard-hearted as I've gone through being single for 9 years and experienced much throughout that time.

I'm sorry and will try to do better.
I appreciate the kindness and empathy that Jeffery showed -- because it geared me towards the right direction and softenened my heart. Sometimes that's all we need; to be validated and cared for.

So, I'm going to try to do better. I want to be soft and kind and tender and ..... pure in heart. Thanks for forgiving me, not judging, and allowing me the chance to change and become better.

I love Jeffery

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 21:51:00 +0000

Okay, so I got the nicest note I've probably ever received in my life (or for a long time) from a former principal of our school and dear and good man. He was kind, thoughtful and charitable.
He knows several good single-women and showed concern and tenderness for their situations.
He restores all of our faith in mankind.

Thank You, Jeffery. You are of the dearest brothers. I hope you will be blessed for your kindness as it truly was Christlike.

I've poured out my heart, probably too much, in these blogs --- but, it's been partly therapetic in my journey to becoming more pure in heart, forgiving, loving, and compassionate to others. I've found peace in forgiving others' and hope that the Lord hasn't given up on me yet.

Sometimes, as singles, we're given many opportunities to learn to forgive -- as people can say the darndest things. I've been hurt and have sometimes (too often) taken offense. I've prayed mightily to forgive as I don't like to not be at peace. And, it has come. Fasting helps too as does meditation and pondering on the truths of the gospel.
I am still on the quest to forgive and not take offense because it's me who suffers; not them. Often, they 'know not what they do'.

As (sometimes lonely) singles, we are blessed with an increased capacity for compassion since the hole (space) in our hearts has opened up a greater capacity for increased emotions of light and love. Now, that's a blessing to be grateful for. As are all the things we learn from the trials we experience. As my friend Jan would say "God is good, Heidi. God is good".

Thank You, Jeffery, for reminding me of what is good and true in this world.
You have blessed me and my children --- and your words were sweet manna to the soul.
Bless you and yours!

Drop-dead gorgeous Barbie who loves to hunt, fish, travel

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 23:04:00 +0000

Okay, so as a single person in my 40's this is what I'm dealing with on the on-line LDS singles sites. I wish that I would have kept some sort of a list over the years. You might be shock-ed and amaz-ed (as John Bytheway would say) to read what some of the men write.

It's worse than being at a Jr. High dance. You're rejected over and over and over again. And, they don't hesitate to do so because they feel anonymous.

But, I have OFTEN read things that men have written such as:
Looking for drop dead gorgeous
Needs to be in great shape to keep up with me
Must have had no depression in the past
I don't care if you keep a clean house, I don't care about stuff like that
I don't want any more kids
I've raised my kids and now want to hunt and fish and travel
Don't want someone with any baggage
Looking for hunting, fishing, travelling companion
Need someone with tight body and sexy
Won't write to you unless you post a photo
60 yr. old professional looking for musician in 20's
Must be willing to relocate because I can't
Want someone who works full-time, financially independent
Just looking for a good make-out, want no obligation
Looking for 'fun-loving' and 'playful'
etc.

Maybe some of these are okay, but there are worse ones out there.
The bottom line is that there is a lot of selfishness. (You'll just have to take my word for that.)

Some comments are probably helpful -- but, many focus on all the things that church leaders have told us that we shouldn't focus on --- because they don't make for a better marriage.

I didn't mind the surfacy items as much in the past as I do now. But, it's gotten old!
Perhaps they give insight into why certain ones are divorced. No one can fill the glass slippers of perfection that some are looking for. And, many women are still raising children (alone) looking for a partner not just a travelling buddy.

I guess that you have to be in the situation to really understand it. I'm sure that there are some nice men out there somewhere -- but, they seem to be few and far between. I know that the brethren are very concerned about this. My Stake President told me so after he had met with one of the twelve recently.

So.... before you judge single women too harshly --- try to understand what options they may or may not have. And, try to offer any kindness or support. It's one of the most difficult of life's challenges!!!!

Blogging Award

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 19:35:00 +0000

I've just received this award from Suko of Suko's Notebook Thanks Suko. You are always kind and thoughtful.

These are the guidelines I received from Suko:
1. List 10 honest things about yourself (have some fun with this!).
2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers (or less)

I'm probably too candid on this blog. But, it's my therapeutic outlet. ;)

So....here goes:
Ten Truths About Me:
1. I don't like being single. It's of the hardest trials of my life.
2. I don't like being the poorest in the ward.
3. I try to love and serve much.
4. Ruffles and milk, not chocolate or ice cream :)
5. I have a secret present crush. :) but will never tell.
6. I REALLY like a clean and neat house (but it's not always that way.)
7. I'm not 'easy-going'. But, then, I've never read that in the scriptures or about any of the brethren either. But, a lot of men on-line are looking for that! as well as 'drop dead gorgeous', 'tight body', 'thin', 'wants to travel and play' etc. Haven't found many that want 'good mother', 'honest', 'nurturing', 'stay-at-home Mom' etc. For those of you who aren't single; you really have NO idea of what it's like. And, I've found, that most of you don't care either. :) It's like being rejected over and over again at a Jr. High dance --- but.....much worse.
8. I'm mad at a lot of people. :) Maybe, hurt is a better word. It's very lonely --- especially around the holidays. I don't even like to do family things anymore as everyone is with their spouses and children.
9. But, I work hard to love and forgive. (They know not what they do) (or....don't do)
10. I wish I could afford a nice haircut, have two temporary crowns on my teeth fixed (they have hurt for several years now) an eye exam and new contacts (I'm almost out) and glasses (mine are broken). But, someday I'd really love to have laser eye surgery. :)

How's that for honest and 'pouring out your heart'? :)

Thanks, Suko
You are dear!!!

Things are better

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:59:00 +0000

My last blog was a 'pour out your heart' type of entry. It helped. I felt better afterwards -- and even somewhat 'lightened'. I guess that sometimes things are better if we are able to express them, feel any sort of validation, and realize that we're not alone.

Thanks for those of you who commented! I truly appreciated you and hope that things will get better for you too.

One thing is certain --- life presents changes. Some are more difficult than others. Some bring happiness and ease, others bring more trials and challenges.

A friend recently reminded me that all these things can be for our good. They teach us things that we might not be able to learn in other ways and can be for our own purification and enlarging of our soul.

One thing I have learned is that the Lord truly does help me -- sometimes over time --- and then to look back and be grateful for what I've learned, even from the most excruciating of times. But, I often need help along the way in learning. Sometimes it comes from prayer, sometimes from pondering scriptures and pleading for help, sometimes from hymns, articles, comments from others, friends. I am so thankful for those who share something with me that I need at the time. I especially am receptive when they are doing it humbly and not to try to 'teach me a lesson'. I'm grateful for any kindnesses out there and bet that you are too!

Blogging Therapy

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 18:44:00 +0000

I don't think that anyone reads this blog -- but, that's okay. This is sort of my therapy blog I suppose. I can write/journal on here and get out my frustrations, sadness, lonliness etc. and then express my appreciation and gratitude for the blessings that I do have.

To be honest, sometimes I really do feel sorry for myself. Many friends, neighbors, family members have so many wonderful opportunities and blessings that we don't and probably never will in this life.

You don't have to remind me to be grateful for what I do have though. When I count my own blessings I know that I do have much to be grateful for. But, when I count others' blessings I have a harder time. Some of the things we struggle with that other people get to do are; travel, sports camps, music lessons, vacations, nice clothing, nice husbands, nice homes, nice cars etc.
Many know that they are blessed and express that gratitude. But, sometimes I feel so very alone feeling that no one cares about us, has any idea how hard it is, has any idea of how we feel when we can't afford all the things that they can.

I do realize that we have a roof over our heads, clothing, food etc. I also realize that there is a lot of worldliness and affluence in our society. I'm trying to find the balance of being grateful for what we have; which is 'sufficient for our needs' and not feeling sorry for ourselves and so much that we have suffered. For, we truly have suffered and have been through a lot of hard things. It's easier when we don't live among affluence. It's easier when we lived in a condo and weren't the poorest. But, when you're the poorest in the area -- you surely know it -- as do your children. My youngest has come home from church crying that she is the only one without a Dad and has also commented that some of the girls are so cute and have new dresses each week.

It does give us something to discuss and we have had to turn to the Lord in much of our heartache and grief. But, I'm glad that we're on this end of it and not the other as we have been very blessed to learn life lessons and about reaching out to others in need --- that we probably wouldn't have learned in any other way.

So.....though my heart aches often, and I know of the sweet blessings that many of my friends and relatives have with their nice homes and yards and spouses and children etc. I can only hope that someday the Lord will bless us with the desires of our hearts and that we will be more considerate and compassionate and aware of those who are suffering. And....that He will forgive us for the times that we were not. I do know that I truly have come to love the poor and the needy more than I love money or wealth. For that blessing I am grateful.
But I also feel sometimes that I am just a big loser.

Puzzles and Building Things

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:01:00 +0000

I used to think that doing puzzles was a waste of time. Why put together something when you can just buy the framed photo?

But, I've learned since then. I had two friends, a few years back, who invited me over to 'puzzle' with them. We were all new in the area -- one from another state, one widowed, and me; a single Mom with three young children. We spent some hours together putting puzzles together; but more importantly, putting each other together. We built relationships, laughed, learned of each other, and built something beautiful together.

Since those years back we've developed a family tradition of doing puzzles -- especially at Christmas time. Our favorite ones are by Eric Dowdle. This year we're doing 'Festival of Trees'. It's beautiful. Then, we'll glue it and frame it as a family memory.

Take My Yoke Upon You

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:15:00 +0000

A few years back I attended an event where there were two large oxen being guided by their owner along a pathway. I stopped to visit with their 'master' and ask him questions. He told me that each of the oxen weighed over 2,800 lbs. Each, alone, could pull about 2,600 lbs. But, with a wooden yoke attaching them together, they could pull about triple that amount.

Christ said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

If we are yoked to Christ then He will pull the load with us and carry the burdens of life and of parenting. We are not alone. Well, at least we don't need to be. He has offered His help. We can accept it --- or not.

Parenting and the Quest for Heaven in our Homes

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 21:35:00 +0000

If parenting doesn't purify us -- what will? :)

That is a good reminder to me!

Sometimes when times are really rough and I want to ship the kids off to Timbuktu (sp?) -- I have to remind myself that 'all these things will give thee experience and be for thy good".

I love a statement by Daryl Hoole who said:
"If we want to have our homes in heaven, hereafter, we must have heaven in our homes here."

It's a continual process of work and refinement. I suppose that each problem we resolve is a step in the right direction -- even though it's a bit rough in the meantime. The path up isn't always smooth and flat. It's "up" and rocky along the way.

I love this painting as it reminds me to REACH UP to the One who can lift! We have to make the effort to receive the help the He is so willing to offer. For that knowledge and promise I am forever grateful!

Single Parent Homeschooling

noreply@blogger.com (Heidi A.) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 17:30:00 +0000

It's possible - but not very probable - to be a single-parent and to homeschool. In our case it's been miraculous to be able to do so.

Each human being has a different plan for their educational pursuits. In our case it has been a blessing for my children to be at home building stability and foundations where they otherwise would not have had that. (You'll just have to trust me on that one.)

A single-parent home is difficult enough. My children needed stability and the strong foundation that homeschooling would bring. It's been a lot of sacrifice on my part, but, something that I will never regret doing. I know that I only have one chance to raise my children and any sacrifice I feel led to to will be worth it in the long-run.

Thanks to all you other homeschooling familes! You are inspirational and helpful! I know it's a sacrifice for you, too, and I honor you for that decision and for the work and prayer that you put forth.

Our new homeschooling blog is: http://OurHome-SchoolingAdventures.blogspot.com
We'd love your comments there -- especially if they are helpful :) (There are plenty of mean-spirited ones out there.)