Monday, December 22, 2008

Drop-dead gorgeous Barbie who loves to hunt, fish, travel

Okay, so as a single person in my 40's this is what I'm dealing with on the on-line LDS singles sites. I wish that I would have kept some sort of a list over the years. You might be shock-ed and amaz-ed (as John Bytheway would say) to read what some of the men write.

It's worse than being at a Jr. High dance. You're rejected over and over and over again. And, they don't hesitate to do so because they feel anonymous.

But, I have OFTEN read things that men have written such as:
Looking for drop dead gorgeous
Needs to be in great shape to keep up with me
Must have had no depression in the past
I don't care if you keep a clean house, I don't care about stuff like that
I don't want any more kids
I've raised my kids and now want to hunt and fish and travel
Don't want someone with any baggage
Looking for hunting, fishing, travelling companion
Need someone with tight body and sexy
Won't write to you unless you post a photo
60 yr. old professional looking for musician in 20's
Must be willing to relocate because I can't
Want someone who works full-time, financially independent
Just looking for a good make-out, want no obligation
Looking for 'fun-loving' and 'playful'
etc.

Maybe some of these are okay, but there are worse ones out there.
The bottom line is that there is a lot of selfishness. (You'll just have to take my word for that.)

Some comments are probably helpful -- but, many focus on all the things that church leaders have told us that we shouldn't focus on --- because they don't make for a better marriage.

I didn't mind the surfacy items as much in the past as I do now. But, it's gotten old!
Perhaps they give insight into why certain ones are divorced. No one can fill the glass slippers of perfection that some are looking for. And, many women are still raising children (alone) looking for a partner not just a travelling buddy.

I guess that you have to be in the situation to really understand it. I'm sure that there are some nice men out there somewhere -- but, they seem to be few and far between. I know that the brethren are very concerned about this. My Stake President told me so after he had met with one of the twelve recently.

So.... before you judge single women too harshly --- try to understand what options they may or may not have. And, try to offer any kindness or support. It's one of the most difficult of life's challenges!!!!

5 comments:

Sondra said...

Totally, Totally, Totally understand.... I hate it!! Right now I am focusing on raising my son and when he leaves on a mission or to college and I'm alone, I may tackle it again. I just hate it soooo much... the thought of having to continue to find a good guy out there is dishearting. I truly believe that all the good guys are already married and happy. We have to deal with the divorced self centered guys... I should judge so harshly - but it's not been too fun being single forever!!

Jess said...

Thank yiuo fro giving an honest point of view on single parenting... I know we have several single sisters in our ward... and we always do little things for them.. as much as we can considering our circumstances... but your post made me think of things to do better... I hope you and your children have a wonderful christmas together...

Heidi A. said...

Sondra,
I love you!
You are beautiful, talented, darling, hard-working, and .....wonderful! As I've read your blog over the past few months -- I've been endeared to you and know that we're sort of 'kindred spirits'.
There are many good single women. With things being the way they are; perhaps we'll find someone in the millenium -- where there will be love and righteousness etc. I don't think it's too far off! (closer than most people even know).
I'm your cheerleader!

Heidi A. said...

Jess,
Thanks! What kind things you said! We all could be kinder to each other -- no matter our station in life. And, we don't know what others' have gone through or are going through. Divorce shows --- but, some other challenges don't.
Thanks for being willing to notice that and to show kindness! I think we're here to learn how to do that! Bless you!

chantal said...

Hi there!! I was a single mom for years and boy, do I ever know how you feel!!! I did end up meeting my hubby of now 3 years online...but not without runnning into more than my share of the wrong kind of men!!! Hang in there. As soon as I stopped looking so hard,I met my husband,so you never know!!! stop by my blog sometime!!!