I don't think that anyone reads this blog -- but, that's okay. This is sort of my therapy blog I suppose. I can write/journal on here and get out my frustrations, sadness, lonliness etc. and then express my appreciation and gratitude for the blessings that I do have.
To be honest, sometimes I really do feel sorry for myself. Many friends, neighbors, family members have so many wonderful opportunities and blessings that we don't and probably never will in this life.
You don't have to remind me to be grateful for what I do have though. When I count my own blessings I know that I do have much to be grateful for. But, when I count others' blessings I have a harder time. Some of the things we struggle with that other people get to do are; travel, sports camps, music lessons, vacations, nice clothing, nice husbands, nice homes, nice cars etc.
Many know that they are blessed and express that gratitude. But, sometimes I feel so very alone feeling that no one cares about us, has any idea how hard it is, has any idea of how we feel when we can't afford all the things that they can.
I do realize that we have a roof over our heads, clothing, food etc. I also realize that there is a lot of worldliness and affluence in our society. I'm trying to find the balance of being grateful for what we have; which is 'sufficient for our needs' and not feeling sorry for ourselves and so much that we have suffered. For, we truly have suffered and have been through a lot of hard things. It's easier when we don't live among affluence. It's easier when we lived in a condo and weren't the poorest. But, when you're the poorest in the area -- you surely know it -- as do your children. My youngest has come home from church crying that she is the only one without a Dad and has also commented that some of the girls are so cute and have new dresses each week.
It does give us something to discuss and we have had to turn to the Lord in much of our heartache and grief. But, I'm glad that we're on this end of it and not the other as we have been very blessed to learn life lessons and about reaching out to others in need --- that we probably wouldn't have learned in any other way.
So.....though my heart aches often, and I know of the sweet blessings that many of my friends and relatives have with their nice homes and yards and spouses and children etc. I can only hope that someday the Lord will bless us with the desires of our hearts and that we will be more considerate and compassionate and aware of those who are suffering. And....that He will forgive us for the times that we were not. I do know that I truly have come to love the poor and the needy more than I love money or wealth. For that blessing I am grateful.
But I also feel sometimes that I am just a big loser.