Monday, October 6, 2008

Assumptions ---

Okay, so I guess I've had assumptions that everyone around me knew how hard it was to be a single-parent. I thought that they could 'see' our struggles, heartache, exhaustion, poverty, lonliness etc. But, I have been very wrong. I've come to realize that most of them have absolutely NO idea of how difficult it is nor the issues that are faced day after day, year after year.

A recent visit with both a sister-in-law and church leader confirmed this. The sister-in-law said after a short visit "I had NO idea of what you have gone through" and the church leader (a higher-upper) kindly said about the people around me "they really have NO idea!"

Maybe they are not being unkind or unthoughtful on purpose afterall. They are just too busy or just aren't aware or thinking of about it (as perhaps I don't with their struggles.)

I have often felt disappointed and alone; no one noticing or caring or wanting to help lighten the load which, at times, has seemed like an almost unbearable burden.

Yet, my job is to forgive those who hurt or neglect (intentionally or not), to serve others' in their time of need, and to strengthen my own home and family. This, I sincerely strive to do despite my challenges, weakness and inabilities.

I know that my experiences have helped me to be more aware of others in their time of need and pray that I may continue to do so. We all need to love, encourage and strengthen each other. The Lord is the perfect example of how this is done. For Him, I am eternally grateful!


Sondra said...

I totally agree. It is really tough to be a single parent. I am such a perfectionist and have a hard time asking for help that most people think it is easy for me. I have been in the Primary Presidency for the past 7 years - 3 of them as Primary President. It has been really tough being everything for everyone - that I finally broke down and asked to be released as Primary President (although I hate asking to be released) last spring. It's been great to have that load off of me.
It is tough! I totally understand the poverty thing too - but it is getting better for me -- as I continue to try to be frugal.

One of the huge things that helped me have a day of rest - was when I changed to keeping the sabbath day holy. We don't watch TV, No computer, no electronic games. I don't clean the house (other then dishes).. I really take a day of rest. Finally a day of rest... It about killed my children - but it really has been a blessing. The other thing is that we always have family prayer and read the scriptures in the morning before leaving for the day. There is power in reading the scriptures. It does bring peace to your home and it was amazing about 3 months into doing this regular - how the spirit was in my home.

Keep your chin up - enjoy the journey, as Pres. Monson said.

Take care, Sondra

Heidi A. said...

Thanks, Sondra,
I should probably delete this entry as it comes across as negative though that is not what I intended.

We all do face challenges; some more extreme than others. They help us grow and stretch and reach way down.

I guess that unless we've walked in someone else's shoes we don't often understand why they feel or do things as they do.

One thing that I know is that divorce is not always because of the unrighteousness of both parties. It can take one person to break a covenant and disolve a marriage. That is something that is not always understood.

Yes, I agree with you about scriptures and the Sabbath. Both are sacred to me and so very needful in my life!

We're very frugal too. We're grateful for what we have yet hope that it won't be so difficult for forever. :)

Thanks for chatting!
Hugs to you for what you do!!!
Yes, we are trying to learn to enjoy the journey. :)

wonder woman said...

Found you through MMB. My husband served in the Army Reserves and a few times had to go overseas. He had 4 3-week stints in Europe.

They were the hardest weeks of my life. My kids were younger. Newborn and toddler. So while it's true, that I have NO idea what you're going through, those experiences gave me a lot of perspective. I didn't realize was single parenthood would be like till then. And I didn't have a job! And I got to talk to my husband and knew when he was coming home. But the long days, the many duties on your shoulders, the even longer's not fun. (Huge understantement, I know.)

I hope that you can continue to find strength, and wholeness within yourself.